From Hawaii to Frome, via Virgin Radio
It’s not often you find yourself travelling halfway around the world to watch your brother swim 2.4 miles, cycle 112 miles and then run a marathon. Frankly, I think getting off the plane after a long-haul flight is quite enough of an endurance test!
But October was never going to be an ordinary month.
On October 10th, exactly one year after we lost our beautiful son Ben, my brother Barnaby took part in the Ironman World Championship in Hawaii, raising money for the mental health charity Mind in Ben’s memory on World Mental Health Day.
Watching him cross the finish line was something I’ll never forget. The sheer physical achievement was extraordinary, but knowing what had driven him to do it made it almost unbearably moving.
We’d travelled to Hawaii as a family to support him, and although the reason for being there was heartbreaking, the trip itself was filled with moments of real happiness.
We swam with manta rays, explored waterfalls, wandered through tropical gardens and watched spectacular sunsets. There was laughter, there were tears, and there was the strange business of enjoying yourself while also missing someone terribly.
It’s something I talked about recently with Maisie, who hosts the Good Grief podcast, when she joined me for an interview on When in Frome.
One of the things we discussed was the guilt that can sometimes accompany moments of happiness when you’re grieving. That strange feeling that somehow, by laughing or having a wonderful time, you’re being disloyal to the person you’ve lost.
But of course, you’re not. Feeling joy doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten them, or that you love or miss them any less.
That conversation has stayed with me, particularly because our time in Hawaii brought it home so vividly. We were there because of Ben, and although we missed him every day, we also had the most wonderful family holiday. I’m learning that those two things can be true at the same time.
And then, barely 24 hours after returning from Hawaii, I found myself embarking on another adventure. This time considerably closer to home, although requiring an equally alarming amount of stamina.
I’ve started a new job reading the news on the Chris Evans Breakfast Show on Virgin Radio.
After years working in newsrooms and radio studios, you might imagine I’d be completely unfazed by the prospect. You’d be wrong.
There is something a little bit nerve-racking about joining such a well-established show, especially when your body clock is still somewhere over the Pacific Ocean.
The alarm goes off at an hour when most sensible people are still fast asleep, but three weeks in, I’m absolutely loving it. The team have been incredibly welcoming, and there’s something rather lovely about being part of people’s mornings. Even if my own mornings now start in the middle of the night!
Back in Somerset, meanwhile, Sonia and I have been bending over backwards to bring you another collection of local stories for When in Frome. And for once, that’s not just a figure of speech.
Sonia has been tackling circus skills for this month’s Challenge Sonia, while I’ve been trying my hand at Pilates. Between us, there’s been an alarming amount of bending, stretching and contorting, although I suspect neither of us will be joining Cirque du Soleil any time soon. Personally, I think we deserve full marks for effort, if not quite for flexibility.
There have been some fascinating conversations along the way. I met Suzy Cristinacce from Frome Birth Talk, whose work supporting local parents and families is another reminder of the extraordinary people quietly making a difference in our town.
I also caught up with publican Charlie Luxton to talk about what makes a really good country pub and why keeping one going is becoming increasingly difficult. It certainly made me appreciate the next visit to our local (The Talbot in Mells) rather more.
Sonia has also been out and about at Frome’s Multicultural Festival and Somerset Art Weeks.
And of course, Becky has been keeping us up to date with everything happening in Frome over the coming weeks with her Fabulous Frome Forecast. I’m not entirely sure how she manages to keep track of it all, but I’m very glad somebody does.
And speaking of Fabulous Frome, keep an eye out for the winter edition of the magazine, which is due out on November 18th. I’ve been busy helping to put it together, discovering everything from festive food and cosy homes to the latest on Saxonvale and the campaign for a new skatepark. It’s been a real team effort, and I hope you’ll enjoy reading it.
Looking back, the last month has been one of extraordinary contrasts. From the volcanic landscapes of Hawaii to the familiar streets of Frome, from watching my brother achieve something almost superhuman to watching Sonia attempt circus skills, and from the sadness of remembering Ben to the excitement of starting a new job - there’s certainly been plenty to take in.
But the most important thing I’ve learned is that grief and happiness aren’t opposites. You can carry enormous sadness and still find reasons to laugh, to celebrate and to look forward to things.
I know there will always be a Ben-shaped hole in our lives. Nothing will ever change that.
But I don’t believe he’d want us to feel guilty about enjoying the life we still have.
And perhaps that’s something worth remembering.
Written by Daisy Steel
Journalist, columnist and podcaster
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