One Day at a Time
September was one of those months when life seemed determined to keep me moving.
There was a new edition of When in Frome to put together, which took me from axe throwing to cacao ceremonies, via skateboards, beavers, Frome carnival and some of the extraordinary people who quietly make this town what it is.
I should point out that it was Sonia doing the axe throwing, not me. One of the advantages of having a co-presenter is being able to enthusiastically volunteer her for things while standing at a safe distance.
And then there was the launch of Fabulous Frome – The Magazine, the brainchild of Fabulous Frome founder Becky Percival. Seeing the magazine appearing in cafés and shops around town after just seven short weeks was quite the moment. There is something wonderfully tangible about a magazine. You can pick it up, flick through it over a coffee and, hopefully, discover something about the place you live that you didn’t know before.
When October Comes
But underneath all that activity, I knew October was coming.
October is a difficult month for my family. My son Ben would have turned 25 on October 4th. A week later comes the first anniversary of his death.
Grief does strange things to time. A year can feel impossibly long and yet no time at all. There are days when I still can’t quite comprehend that Ben isn’t going to walk through the door.
A Moment to Pause
Perhaps that was partly why my yoga retreat in Ibiza at the beginning of September came at exactly the right moment.
For a week, I stepped away from deadlines, news bulletins, podcast planning and the general business of life. I practised yoga, ate wonderful food, swam, talked, laughed and, importantly, allowed myself to be sad.
There was space to think about Ben without having to do anything with those thoughts. I didn’t have to make them better or package them neatly. I could simply miss him.
I came home reminded that grief doesn’t sit separately from life. Somehow, you learn to carry both.
Unexpected Connections
And perhaps I came home a little more open to things too. Shortly afterwards I met Gizelle from I am Being while interviewing her about a cacao ceremony coming to Frome in October. We clicked immediately - one of those unexpected connections that seemed to arrive at just the right moment.
While making the October podcast, I also interviewed Radek Evans, our latest Local Legend, about his fundraising for Purple Elephant. I met people working to create a new skatepark for the town, a story particularly close to my heart because Ben spent so much time skateboarding in Victoria Park when he was younger. I watched Frome Carnival fill the streets and heard again and again about people giving their time and energy to make something happen for other people.
None of these things takes grief away. But connection matters.
The Things That Carry Us
Sometimes it’s found on a yoga mat hundreds of miles from home. Sometimes it’s around a table with your family. And sometimes it’s standing in the middle of Frome talking to someone you have never met before and discovering their story.
As I head into a month I have been dreading for a long time, I’m trying not to look too far ahead.
One day at a time. One story at a time.
With a little help from the extraordinary community I am lucky enough to call home.
Written by Daisy Steel
Journalist, columnist and podcaster
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